The Ring Pillow

For those who aren’t familiar with the world of bridal accoutrements, this is a little 8” X 8” pillow, whose form is generally dictated by the theme colours of the wedding. It is frequently known to sport a substantial quantity of lace, satin and depending upon the creator, a bow or tassles. In short, it is the exact opposite of well-worn leather saddle. It’s use, as the name suggests, is to carry wedding rings to the ceremony. Something a well-worn leather saddle will find difficult to pull off.

Ring pillows are curious things. If you’re getting one of those, it goes without saying that there needs to be a small frilly drawstring bridal pouch for the bride to keep things. Then there’s the frilly box for envelopes stuffed with cash. There is no doubt, a frilly lace mobile case, a frilly lace thumb-drive and a frilly lace steering guard to complete the look. What, no frilly lace steering guard? Get out of here.

Now I can understand to some extent why a bride would want lacy frilly things around her, but one thing I just don’t get is why a priest would need them. Have you ever attended a Roman Catholic wedding? The bride is dressed in bridal white. The groom wears his black suit or tuxedo. The priest wears Holy Purple Satin Robes and an elaborate Holy Golden Sash draped down his neck. What’s the idea here? I am a 60 year old celibate who’s here to bless this ceremony and whether you like it or not, I’m going be the most eye-catching person around here. True, I may not be much to look at but who needs that when you got purple robes? Non-conformist couples who decides to dress more flash, take care. Choose a pink gown instead of the mandatory white and that’s when they bring out the Holy Neon Groin Cups. You’ve got to watch out for those.