A Good King

I wake up to the New Year and switch on the telly to catch a string of reports of extreme barbarism and irresponsible government. While some may be justifiable, like Saddam’s lynching, others like the grisly pit discovered in Noida makes you want to throw up. So it is with some regret that I found myself musing, with a sense of irony that what this world needs is less sadism, and on the other hand, brute authority to enforce laws and push reforms.

Do sadism and authoritarian rule go hand in hand? Mostly, yes. In fact, I would be hard-pressed to come up with an example of a kindly tyrant. (Yes, I realize it’s an oxymoron). A good king. Someone who doesn’t need to pass 20000 bills to set up a subway station in town. Someone who doesn’t need to lobby several powerful groups to get his way. Someone who isn’t driven by greed, caste or religion. Someone who can have Abhishek Bachhan thrown to the lions. The iron fist in the iron glove.

Russia needed Stalin to move from a primarily agrarian economy to a world superpower. He was psycho, and he sent millions to starve and die in the gulags, but you’re missing the point. He laid the foundations of a powerful economy. He made socialism work, to a certain extent. What we need is a Stalin minus all the crap Socialist agenda and a predilection towards mass murder.

Maybe we ought to put out an ad in the leading dailies of the world.

TYRANT WANTED

A prominent third-world country is looking for a dependable, trustworthy tyrant. The ideal candidate should be well-versed with State Management, Economics, Military Studies and above all Sports. Candidate must have a presentable personality, a sense of ethics and good man management skills. While an all-round sense of order and discipline goes without saying. No history of mental illness, sexual deviation or homicidal tendency. Mansion, limousine provided. Please send in your resume within 7 days to Rasthrapati Bhavan, New Delhi, India 110001.

Come to think of it, before we had democracy, there were bits in the past when kingdoms were prosperous and people could roam free and things were generally not too fucked up. Were they run by parliaments? No. Did they ask their illiterate, halfwit population to cast votes? No. They were just ruled well. Ashoka, Chandra Gupta Maurya and Akbar were all good kings/ emperors (or kindly tyrants) if my Std 8 The Glimpses Of Indian History textbook is anything to go by. Good Kings are far better rulers of countries where more than 95% of the population are stupid, as is the case with India. Down with democracy, I say. Since the five or six readers of my blog will not be able to lead a coup, I vote we all fervently close our eyes and make a wish for a nice tyrant the next time we see a shooting star.