Kevin Energy

Ever notice how hard-core DJ’s have the dumbest names in the world?

Vibes
Sharkey
UFO
X-Clusive
Stompy
Wotsee (aka...Mush, Kev, Trev, or Mushty...)
Kevin Energy

I thought long and hard, and I couldn’t think of shitter name than Kevin Energy. How on earth did he come up with that? And how come all DJ names are so shit? This can’t be an accident. There must be some sort of DJ vocabulary out there which I’m not aware of. Something that defines coolness, sorry coolnezz in their world.

So I look this up some on the net and I come across this

A DJ name generator. Something which is immensely entertaining for about 30 seconds. A whole day if you are stoned.

Then I go, wait a minute, this is pure gold. So I went looking for the motherlode. I’m telling you, anytime you want to kill time, visit a site for DJ’s. It’ll blow your mind. Seinfeld is a gas but he’s not a patch on these guys. Here’s one excerpt:

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Me proper name is Carl Embley not much of ring to it eh. I have been using MDMA for a long time and someone local has started using it aswell. Plus venue owners look at me funny when I say MDMA but its meant to come across as the purest ecstasy is music. I have been resident at Generate (Doncaster) for about a year. I want a name that has meaning to it. I have let me promoter no I am changing but the flyers go out next month. I have also aimed a hard dance night toward 13-17 yr olds as I work with the youth service and dont like explaining to them what it means. Me brain is fried can anyone suggest some ideas. This youth event is on 22nd December and I can’t really put MDMA on the posters

arite ppl how about dj storm???

Man, im tellin you from a first hand Dj. DONT USE STORM!!! Its waaaaay to corny. All your names you guys have are wacker than wayne brady! Get something unique, Dj Slick? Man, i bet theres about 1000 people out there who said that. And all those names “Dj Phat god” Your anything but phat, and your a god of gay names. And that dictionary bullshit is weak. Im not sayin that i can think of better ones, but think of something catchy. Dj-Kaskade, I just thought of 1 i was gonna give my friend yesterday, Dj-FunKaDeliK, named after the band, the funkadelics. So be wise! Be Logical! Be smooooooooooth.

i need a Dj name, something catchy, with a bit of funk, i jus got sum decks off ebay, so, help me out! please? whoever gets me the best name will win a prize!!

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And here’s the part that really blows. DJ’s, the dumber they are, the more successful they get. And they all have super-hot girlfriends. Who do you think dates all the hot 16-year old Slavic models and pink-haired Goth chicks?

Kevin Fucking Energy.

Him and his equally doped-out-of-their-brains chums in fashion photography have cornered that market. Fashion designers could easily carve out a bit of action for themselves, if they all weren’t so predictably gay. This could well be because 16-year old Slavic models and pink-haired Goth chicks are just as dumb as Kevin Energy, but that’s not the point is it? Somebody called Kevin Energy should NOT be allowed to create more Kevins. It’s Darwin’s law. But they've re-written that already. I'm always the last to know.